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Bad
for Business
I recently installed and played mojo master because,
apparently, I am filled with self-loathing. Mojo Master
successfully blends Magic: The Gathering, Singles, and
a desperate cry for help into a gaming experience that
isn’t so much bad as it is horrible. But you can’t
exactly blame the game for its overwhelming crapitude—after
all, it was created as a promotional gimmick for Axe
Body Spray.
In the alternate hellscape universe of this dating game,
Axe Body Spray is a potent power-up instead of a substance
that will make you smell like a strip club bathroom
attendant’s worn and spattered Hush Puppies. |
If you’re capable of making
that cognitive leap, then OK, maybe you can eke a little
enjoyment out of conning digital vixens into dating
you with the sub-middle-school double entendres that
pass for wit in Mojo Master. Then again, Mojo Master
just might be the Noel Coward of corporate gaming. After
playing—I’m sorry, enduring—Mojo Master,
I took a quick spin around the Internet to see what
other corporations had to offer in the way of games.
Most corporate websites indeed feature some sort of
gaming, most of it incredibly bad Shockwave mouse clickers
that effectively whittle away a few of the minutes between
now and your inevitable death with the added benefit
of a special sneak preview of what purgatory might be
like.
Take, for instance, the entertainment Coca-Cola provides
at mycoke.com—it’s all New Coke–caliber
bad. For example, MyCoke Recycler cunningly captures
the special tedium of fetching tools for an irrational
factory foreman. “Bring me the Poofs!” it
commands. “Bring me the planks!” it orders.
First off, what the hell are Poofs? And why are planks
going in my soda? Uh-oh! Be careful—one wrong
step and you might get incinerated by molten steel!
Or electrocuted! Sweet Moby Dick, is this the same company
that wanted to teach the world to sing? Another game,
MyCoke Coaster, seems a more natural fit until you play
it and discover that instead of promoting responsible
beverage-cozy usage, Coaster is a sequence-memorizing
game that charges you with getting a roller-coaster
car to the top of the rails. Coke—the beverage
of one-armed, bail-skipping carnies. |
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